SKARSGASM

I get up at 5 am everyday for work. 5 hours sleep is perfect for me to feel alert & functional. On the weekends, I troll around on all my favorite blogs & search out any/all interesting new True Blood/Twilight news (that I haven't already gotten in an email/tweet/blog. So I went to bed around 2 am last night-as usual-and as I laid down, I realized I hadn't set my alarm-which is mandatory if I need want to get up anytime before noon. So I had the lazy bright idea to set the alarm on my new blackberry *that I have no idea how to use yet* and that's what I did.

When my son woke me up at 12:45, after bellowing like a wounded bear and cussing about the piece of shit alarm not going off..I saw that I had "all notifications off" which in my mind meant the 200 tweets I get at all hours of the day/night..NOT my alarm..Fuck Me-right? So fine-my day is fucked & is already half over by the time I dragged *literally because my back was all jacked up from too much sleep* my butt downstairs for some coffee before I started my myriad of boring-ass chores home beautification projects for the day.

So aforementioned Mama Bear makes her coffee & reaches into the fridge for the final component of milk...AND THERE IS NONE. I don't know about any of you dear people..but I have very few requirements in my life at this point. 1) Coffee in large quantities-mandatorily first thing in the morning 2) Hot Vampires at all hours of the day 3) Really just #1 & #2. I'm a pretty easy chick to please-but I digress..back to my complete meltdown...

Like any other level-headed person (read: pissed off ogre who got 2 days sleep & now has no fucking coffee) I stomped upstairs *to deal with other TMI issues you don't really want to hear about-but I NEEDED to take a shower but refused to delay my coffee that much longer* I changed my clothes..grumbled incoherently at all children uncouth enough to even try to talk to me in this state..and stormed out the door. Since I knew there was also no food in the house, I went ahead and did the weekly grocery shopping, because I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING..so I felt no need to make another trip in the afternoon & add to my general pissiness.

When I got home at 3 PM...yes 3 Pee Em IN THE AFTERNOON..I opened the garage door..no children..started carrying in the groceries..no children..son on the Xbox..no children helping..emptied the entire car..still no children..started putting the groceries away & realized one of the milk cartons was already opened!! My Oldest son somehow had snuck downstairs..poured cereal & snuck back upstairs without asking if I needed help or perhaps seeing all the bags scattered throughout the kitchen--putting something away? Oh no-his highness hadn't had his cereal yet..Son of a Bitch..if that wasn't just the icing..I STILL HADN'T HAD COFFEE AT 3 PM!!! And can you guess who finished the milk in the first place?! That same precious child. If I have ranted once..you as parents know it's been more like a thousand times..You.do.not.finish.the.last.of.the.milk.at.night--it is for coffee in the morning.

At this point I probably slipped into a medical coma from the blood pressure spike..It's all kind of a blur..but then I did finally have my coffee (+5 other cups)& slowly turned into the wonderful human being that I am today. Now what the hell is this post about? OH yeah..why I'm still awake..I think I did mention that I already got tonight's sleep in yesterday..which means I can spend the night looking for new Skarsporn & Robporn..which in my book is a night well spent!!